I saw this on the social feeds today, about this heuristic, this rule of thumb for your relationships, called “Two beers and a puppy”. The heuristic is simple, and a great way to assess how you feel about someone, anyone. 

When thinking about how you feel about this person, what vibes you get from this co-worker for example, ask:

“Is this someone I would have two beers with?” Or replace with beverage of choice. For me, it’ll be two coffees. I don’t usually drink two coffees in one sitting. Too much caffeine, and I would be sitting on my hands during the conversation. So it would take quite a lot to get to two coffees. That’s a great signal for likeability, or for getting along, or enjoying each other’s company.

“Would I trust this person to take care of my puppy for me over the weekend?” Or replace with a loved one or a treasured thing. The key point here is, do you trust the person enough to leave someone/something you deeply care about and treasure in his or her care? That’s a great signal of trust.

There’s some people who’s are a definite no and no. I avoid these people at all costs. I would even label them as my enemies. Because most friends are kind of like in the middle, a maybe and maybe. It takes a lot of shit to know for sure that someone is definitely no and no. So screw these guys. They don’t deserve you, neither should you bother with them. Most important of all, don’t bother trying to have them like you.

I have some friends who fall into the yes and no camp. I could have two coffees with them because these folks do interesting stuff, have cool ideas or just great to chat with. Usually work related. But I wouldn’t trust them in a life or death situation because I don’t know them enough.

There’s always these handful of dependable friends who you feel you can trust your life with, those who are a no and yes. You know they got your back if it came to it. But often you don’t hang out all that much. Maybe the bond was more out of good old integrity and mutual respect. I seek out these friends, just like they seek me out, when real aid is needed.

And the best ones, those who you answer yes and yes, those are lifetime keepers. I can only think of one or two in my life who might fit the bill. One of them is my wife. I believe, any life with more than a handful of this kind of friends is a good life, hands down. No debate. These are the people who are your tribe. Your spiritual tribe. If there’s to be an objective to socialising and to making friends even till old age, it would be to find these people. Because in their company, you flourish and thrive. They flourish and thrive too. Both side multiply and amplify in each other’s presence. If you find one, put in the effort and keep them close. Have (more than) two beers often, and care for each other’s puppies.

There. The “two beers and a puppy” rule of keeping friends.