What’s up with this thing in life about getting what you want in indirect ways?

I was chatting with @keenencharles recently on a comment thread and he mentioned something which stuck: 

“…the ideas makers least expect to take off are the ones that do.”

That’s so f**king true. Frustratingly true. I call this the oblique law of life. In fact, I recalled I bookmarked something that @piglet wrote before, re-sharing it here:

There is a very interesting thing that when we try our best to pursue happiness, we always tend to get nothing in the end. But sometimes we don’t work hard to get something, such as happiness, recognition of others, success and so on, but they come quietly to us.

There is an old saying in China that “planting flowers intentionally does not bloom, planting willows unintentionally into shade”, which is the same meaning.

Why are these strange things in our life?

Indeed. Why these STRANGE THINGS? It’s like the universe playing hard to get with you and your life, your one wild and precious life. Some form of cosmic dark humour. I’d been working through something similar myself recently, about finding ways to surrender into abundance instead of being fearful of scarcity. How does one surrender yet still continue being driven to pursue ambitious goals instead of getting lazy, lapsing into taking things for granted or presuming the universe will provide. Cue the usual arguments against why universal basic income will work. The thinking is: if you give someone a fish without effort on their part, they get lazy and will take the fish for granted; they will not feel motivated to work hard, won’t develop resilience etc etc. 

Would surrendering into abundance make me lazy? Wouldn’t that take me further away from the very things I surrendering to?

It always feels like, that in order to be ambitious, one needs to desire something strongly, and that desire usually comes from a powerful inner lack. It certainly feels that way when one reads about most of the success stories out there. Billionaires become billionaires because of some lack they experienced growing up etc. 

Yet, strangely enough, when I surrender my expectations, I find success comes faster and unexpectedly. As with my recent experience with Keto List. It’s a product I least expect to take off, but yet, it did. Most frustrating, to be honest. 

Why does everything feel backwards? Shouldn’t it be a simple case of cause and effect? You desire something, you work hard for it, you receive that something. Physics. Yet, for some things—oftentimes, the important things and goals in life—you can only get it indirectly, obliquely, by ‘not wanting it’.

Alan Watts referred to this as “the backwards law”: 

The idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more desperately you want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.

If anything, I really wish to seek change, achieve goals, from a “place of wholeness”, as @haideralmosawi wrote. Surrender, yet strive.

So, back to my original question: 

How does one surrender to abundance, yet still achieve anything at all?

Any answers appreciated, as I’m still seeking mine.

-———

[Continued 4 Mar 2020:]

The good thing about writing your early, unfinished thoughts out into thee world is that it invites others to offer their perspective, start a conversation, and hopefully through that exchange, I get to refine my thinking and get greater clarity. This was one of those exchanges. 

What @haideralmosawi said in our exchange in the comments thread: 

I think there’s always an interplay between factors outside our control and factors within our control. The more we focus on controlling what we can and letting go of what we can’t, the more we are able to manage our resources and expectations.

It’s not about surrendering something you have control over. You already didn’t have control over it, so it’s more natural to let go.

Interestingly, I wrote something similar recently too - I thought I had control but all I had was anxiety. What a great reminder! I knew all these, but something clicked together after hearing his words.

In everything, there’s stuff we can control and stuff outside of out control. We can control, say, when we want to go to work, but we can’t control the weather. We can control how hard we work, but we can’t control what others will say about our work. It’s about acknowledging our sphere of influence, our bubble of control. Surrender is not surrendering what’s inside and outside the bubble. Surrender is about surrendering what’s outside my bubble. But I still retain control over my actions, what I choose to work on, how hard I work, when I do that. I’m surrendering none of that. That’s also why:

Impatience with actions, patience with results.

Because surrender and patience are close friends. They are often found together. And because without patience (with results), anxiety takes its place.

To wrap it all up nicely, @haideralmosawi mentioned a gardening metaphor:

It’s like having a seed in your hand and not say to it: why aren’t you a tree? Why? Because it’s currently a seed and we accept this. But what can the seed become? And how can we help turn it into a tree? Do those things and appreciate the process as it unfolds.

I do circle around nature-based metaphors often for growth and life. It just works for me somehow. Building on this inspiration, perhaps it’s about providing the conditions for a plant/tree to grow—sunlight, water, soil—yet still acknowledging that it’s out of my hands and it’s up to the tree and universe to bring it together (or not). 

Do what I can, control what I must that’s within my bubble—provide sunlight, water and soil to my goals and dreams—but surrender control of all that’s outside that bubble. In that vacuum once occupied by a fake appearance of control (aka anxiety) over things I actually don’t control, sprinkle good ol’ faith, hope and optimism. Serve warm and enjoy.