I recently chanced upon this book The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation. The title really caught my eye, even though I had not read it yet. Just the title alone, made me wonder.

When is saying no, beautiful?

I like helping others. I like the feeling of being able to be useful to someone else. I like the appreciation and approval I received after the help is rendered. So much that I often forget to say no, even at my own expense or well-being. I had always struggled with saying no. But recently this awareness of my problem with saying no grows. And I’m not sure if it’s age, but this neediness starts to get tiring real fast. You just start to see through your own bullshit, and patience even for myself wears thin. That’s why the title resonated. Because all that had been brewing beneath the surface for a while, and all it took was a chance encounter with the right words. So when is saying no, beautiful?

When you’re tired at the end of the day, and someone asks for your help, and you gently decline.

When you decline taking on work that no longer resonate with your values and goals, even though it pays darn well.

When you’re full and there’s still some more delicious food on the table, but you stop eating anyway.

When you walk away from hanging out with toxic friends who complain all day, or make you feel bad, or manipulate you for their own gains.

When you speak up to a colleague who bullies you, and you stand your ground. 

When you feel empty after working too many weekends, and decide to stop mindlessly scrolling through social media and just get an early night’s rest.

When you see someone else doing better in life, and you stop yourself getting jealous and congratulate him/her instead.

When you’re in a mall, you see a new dress/toy, but you say you don’t need it.

Because saying a beautiful no to one thing means saying a beautiful yes to the many other things that result from saying no. For someone who often struggle to say no, being able to say no is saying yes to things that matter.   

When was the last time you said a beautiful no?