A bunch of us here on 200wad had been doing monthly goal setting and reviews since August. So it’s been 5 months! I love our monthly goals circle. You get inspired by the interesting goals that others are making, get nudged along if you feel unmotivated, and celebrate small wins at the end of each month with a wrap-up. Working on oneself, improving and progressing, can often feel like a journey without end (till of course, death), so it’s great to break it up into one-month milestones and pit-stops. Pulse and pause. It feels more manageable and I love how I’m getting towards a better me one month at a time…

But throughout the last 5 months, I noticed a subtle but significant background radiation of self-loathing within my self-improvement universe. It’s almost as if self-hate, having that deficit mindset, always nitpicking on weaknesses, is the only way to motivate myself towards improving. Tapping on that negative wellspring of ‘fight’ responses and emotions is certainly a powerful force to drive achievement. I’m sure insecurity and anxieties about being “not good enough” is the driving force for many over-achievers out there. 

But is this the best way? The healthiest way? The most sustainable way? The most enlightened way?

James Clear in his recent newsletter post mentioned this which struck a cord, big time:

You can be happy with who you are and still want to be better. You can love your body and still want to improve it. You can appreciate your financial state and still want to improve it. Progress does not require self-loathing. You can feel successful along the way.

“Progress does not require self-loathing.” Wow. This is so important that I need to repeat this again: Self-improvement doesn’t require self-loathing.

I can feel grateful, happy, and appreciative of whatever my current state of health, wealth, career, relationships, etc, even as I work towards improving it. This is such a foreign feeling to imagine having, because I obviously never experienced it before. Can one truly, sincerely be satisfied with your lot, yet be motivated to improve it? It almost feels like an oxymoron, a paradox. 

But yet something about it feels……right. Somehow. Because I don’t want to just get to the destination, I want to enjoy the journey. And self-loathing throughout the journey isn’t terribly enjoyable, if you ask me. Oftentimes in the past, I got to my destination, and I should feel a sense of achievement, but it’s tainted by a sensing that I just went by the past few months/years of my life being completely unhappy. 

Is that how I want to look back at my life?

NO. No. No. There’s got to be a better way. And I’m determined to find it. 

One month at a time.