Today’s one of those days. 

I had some money woes due to COVID shutting down my freelance consulting gigs. But after a dry 4 months, with the economy opening up again recently, a consulting gig opportunity came up. Something relatively time-consuming, but pays well. So well, that it’s enough for me to just do that one project for this year. But as I sent in the quotation today, I was not exactly thrilled. 

Truth be told, I was actually disappointed. 

Yeah, it’s great to solve the money problem. But in doing this, I felt like I’m taking two steps back. Before COVID came along, I was actively trying to walk away from my consultancy career. I wanted to make a living off my products, as an indie maker. I was prepared to take a hit on my savings, and hunker down to it. But the pandemic had predictably messed things up (for everyone!), and uprooted what was months of mental and emotional focus.

Now, with me taking on the consultancy gig for likely the remainder of 2020, I’m not sure how much time I can commit to my products, how much of a detour I’m taking again to reaching my aspirations of a sustainable lifestyle business. It’s pretty demoralising, to be honest.

I should really be happy. That I can continue providing for my family and myself. That we don’t have to starve. That we still have a comfortable life. 

But I’m not.