I always looked forward to my year-end retreats here in Ubud, Bali. It’s like you hold your breath for the whole year, dive as deep and long as you can, and then come up for air in December. I can literally breathe better when I imagine myself taking off from the tarmac towards the famed Islands of the Gods. I really needed it, and wanted it. It’s no wonder then that I like creating a countdown timer for it every year. Something to look forward to, and the anticipation from watching the days go down brings me a sigh of relief. 

I used the past tense saying all that above because things seem somewhat different this time. For one, the need and want didn’t feel that strong during departure. I didn’t care to look at countdown timer as much. And arriving here…well, it feels more meh than usual. Which is unusual.

It’s a strange new awareness and feeling. But one that I think I can attribute to a few things I’d been doing the past 6 months:

Keeping monthly goals, doing monthly reviews

I used to do massive amounts of recap and reflection here because there’s a whole year backlog, but now that I’d been doing so every month, there’s no backlog, and I already have a clear idea of what my plans and goals are. So not as much to plan or review…

Working on stuff and living the life that I truly want

Since June, I’d been working on my own products. No consulting gigs since. Everyday, just my micro-habits system. Every month, my goals and learning experiments for the month. Just the indie maker lifestyle that I truly wanted. I have the time and autonomy to care for myself and my family. It’s enjoyable and deeply satisfying. Unlike in the past when the pace of life is one hectic project after another, working on other people’s problems instead of my own.

Having personal downtime throughout the year instead of one big dump at the end

The perks of this lifestyle is that I have the control over my own pace and time, hence it’s easier to lock in personal downtime on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. More psychological sunshine on a regular basis means I need a smaller dose of it at the end of the year. More rest and restoration in mind and body throughout the year, means I’m not crawling towards a desert oasis like a weathered-down man dying from thirst.

Just simply enjoying life more, back at home

I think all of the above, plus some nice changes in the family, just makes life that bit more enjoyable back home. It feels like a life I don’t really need retreats from. For now perhaps, I can’t say forever. Who knows. But there’s something right about the formula, from the past 6 months. 

Something I got to keep doing, in 2020 and the 2020s.